Wow, it's been a long time since I've written. I've been kind of self-absorbed for the past few months, I guess. Many of you know that I had weight loss surgery, gastric bypass or Roux-N-Y to be exact. It has been seven months now.
Wasn't sure I wanted to talk about that. Wasn't sure I wanted people to know. Like they wouldn't notice, huh. I guess I didn't want to admit that I needed it. Like if I didn't talk about it, no one would know that I was 100lbs overweight. I didn't even realize it myself, or I refused to think about it. Even now as I look at "before" photos, I can't believe I really looked like that. I really didn't realize it.
Well, it has been seven months since my surgery and I can honestly say now that I have a new life. My brain is starting to catch up and I am beginning to actually see myself as I am in the mirror. I'm still not happy with what I see but I'm getting there.
I actually smile and feel like a "normal" person now. I'm enjoying everything I do so much more. I'm enjoying buying and wearing clothes. I'm enjoying that people can't imagine I used to weigh 93lbs more than I do now. I'm enjoying that I enjoy physical activity and don't shy away from it.
In short, I'm not the same person I was seven months ago. When you lose weight and your metabolic system is impacted as "ours" is, hormones are released in the process, so there are a lot of emotions going around, some positive and some not so much. Sometimes I'm impatient, sometimes my patience is short. Sometimes I think I'm more demanding and more particular. I know some of these are not qualities I want to see in my life. I'm working through that but it hasn't been easy for Mike to go through that part. :)
I feel excitement for the future. So many of the "goals" I had for my surgery and subsequent physical change have already come true. Many things I didn't anticipate have happened as well. I wanted to live an active lifestyle with Mike. It is something he has wanted for years. I wanted to be able to enjoy activities with our kids and grandkids for years to come. I'm already enjoying those things after such a short time.
For the first time in my life, I actually feel confidence in myself. Confident that I can do the things I always could have but wouldn't believe it. Confident enough to speak up for myself, to express my opinions, even to start my own travel business. These are things I wouldn't have attempted before and now I feel the desire and ability. More to come on those....
This weekend, Mike and I are on a road trip, traveling from our home in Indiana up to Vermont to meet up with two of our sons, Josh and John, who have been hiking on the Appalachian Trail for the past few months. We stopped a bit ago and while Mike ran in for a potty break I took a little hike up a hill a bit in the distance to take a photo.
I was thinking as I smiled to myself, not long ago I wouldn't have wanted to do this. When my husband came out and saw my photo he said, "you hiked up there" When I said "yes", he said, "remember when you wouldn't have wanted to do something like that?" I smiled and said I was thinking the same thing.
Oh, and a funny thing happened last weekend at Holiday World and Splashin' Safari (in addition to me riding the super slides with my 5yr old grandson, Jackson). When we arrived and Mike went ahead with the boys, our daughter, Ashley, and I went to rent a wagon. When we met up with Mike in a few minutes, he said to Ashley, "you aren't gonna believe when I saw you in the distance I thought, who has Ashley picked-up? It took me a few seconds to realize it was your mother (me). I guess his brain is having a difficult time wrapping itself around the changes as well. I LOVED IT!
I thank the Lord for my uneventful surgery and recovery. I thank Him that my husband has stuck through it with me... the years of overweight and unhappiness and the not so easy process of transforming my body, my self-image and much of my way of life. I'm thankful for my new lease on life.... for the elimination of high blood pressure, pre-diabetes, IBS, GERD and arthritis from my experience. I thank all of my family and friends (to include many new friends I have met through ObesityHelp.com and Dr. Throop and St Mary's Bariatric Center for their love and support through this experience.
I guess I'm officially "out" so feel free to discuss this subject which I've been afraid and ashamed to discuss in the past.